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DNN
Now printing Every headline on this strip, 4,000 copies each, by Natalie Sharpie, Director of Printing. Parody. Natalie Sharpie is a fictional cartoon character. | SECRETARY OF EDUCATION PUTS 'A1' IN EVERY CLASSROOM. NOBODY CORRECTS HER. | WRONG PERSON ADDED TO 'WAR ROOM' GROUP CHAT. AGAIN. REMOVED 'IMMEDIATELY, OF WAR.' | LITTLE MARCO NAMED ACTING SECRETARY OF EVERYTHING. TAKES FIFTH JOB BEFORE LUNCH. | PRESS SECERTARY REPLACED BY A MOP. MOP DECLINES TO COMMENT. | LITTLE DONNY DISCOVERS NEW COLOR, CALLS IT 'DONNY GOLD' | SECRETARY OF WAR DOES RECORD ONE PUSH-UP DURING PRESS CONFERENCE. FORM 'NOT JUDGED.' | PRESIDENT IS 6'3", CONFIRMS PRESS OFFICE. THEN 3'6". THEN 'ON A BOX.' | R.F. KALE JR. TAKES COLD PLUNGE IN JEANS. JEANS NOW 'A DIFFERENT COLOR.' |

Lead story

Little Donny at the Donny News Network desk. His tie hangs over the N, so the sign reads DNI.

Breaking · Lead story

PRESIDENT ANNOUNCES RECORD REVENUE. THE RELEASE SAYS REVENGE.

· BUSINESS

Revenue is at a record high, the White House says, and so is revenge, according to the press release, which nobody in the building has read. The Press Secretary read it out anyway. Both numbers are up. Tremendously.

Tonight's anchor: Little Donny. His tie is on the N. Nobody at the network has mentioned it.

Read the press release

Latest Headlines

Newest first. Every one verified by Donny, and read on air by the Press Office.

  5. Breaking · SCIENCE

    LITTLE DONNY DISCOVERS NEW COLOR, CALLS IT 'DONNY GOLD'

    · DNN

  20. HUMAN INTEREST

    LOCAL MAN CLAIMS DONNY WAVED AT HIM, 'BEST DAY OF MY LIFE'

    · DNN

  23. Breaking · ENTERTAINMENT

    DONNY'S MIRROR REQUESTS SEPARATE INTERVIEW

    · DNN

  29. HISTORY

    HISTORIANS TO RENAME ERA 'THE AGE OF DONNY'

    · DNN

Parody. Pete Kegsbreath, R.F. Kale Jr. and Little Marco are fictional cartoon characters.