THE MORNING FOLDER

The Archive

Every folder she ever printed. None of the rest.

1. Thursday, October 15 Birthday Week (All Month)

   For the President's eyes only

   Birthday Week (All Month)

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. The Daily Applause

      Donny's Birthday Extended to a Month After Huge Demand

   2. The Golden Gazette

      Birthday Cake Called the Tallest Cake in Cake History

   3. Donny News Network

      Every Candle Out on the First Try, Witnesses Say

   Poll of the day

   Best birthday ever?

   100% This one

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “I sang twice. He asked for a third time.”

   — A party guest

   Printed a banner. It went around the building. Twice. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan. Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.Candle count: 80. The smoke alarm is not a fan.
   • Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing." Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."Card from the stairs: "Many happy returns. Use the railing."
2. Wednesday, October 14 A Dream Home Day

   For the President's eyes only

   A Dream Home Day

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Very Real Press

      Little Donny Mortgage Helps a Family Buy Its Dream Gold Door

   2. Tremendous Magazine

      Homeowners Call the Paperwork "Short, by Donny Standards"

   3. The Winning Times

      Every House Now Comes With a Portrait of Donny, Free

   Poll of the day

   Best mortgage company?

   100% Little Donny Mortgage

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “The portrait is watching me as I type this. In a nice way.”

   — A new homeowner

   4,000 pages of paperwork. My kind of morning. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one. Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.Paperwork: 4,000 pages. Please initial each one.
   • Inspector's note: the house has stairs. Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.Inspector's note: the house has stairs.
3. Tuesday, October 13 The Ice Business, Booming

   For the President's eyes only

   The Ice Business, Booming

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. The Winning Times

      Little Donny Ice Called "the Coldest Ice Anyone Has Ever Touched"

   2. The Golden Gazette

      Ice Cubes Now Available in Gold (the Color)

   3. Donny News Network

      Summer Extended So More People Can Buy Donny's Ice

   Poll of the day

   Best ice?

   100% Donny's

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “It melted, but it melted beautifully.”

   — A customer at the pool

   Printed the ice review on waterproof paper. Just in case. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts. Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.Weather: warm, then warmer. Ice melts.
   • Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open? Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?Freezer note: who keeps leaving this door open?
4. Monday, October 12 The Game: Sold Out

   For the President's eyes only

   The Game: Sold Out

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Tremendous Magazine

      Donny's Board Game Sells Out; Every Player Wins, Especially Donny

   2. Very Real Press

      Family Game Night Declared a National Treasure by the Box It Came In

   3. The Daily Applause

      Rules Praised as Simple: Donny Goes First, Donny Wins

   Poll of the day

   Best game ever made?

   100% The Game

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “I lost, but I lost to the best.”

   — A family of four

   Reprinted page 2 of the rules. Blank this time. Much clearer. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win." Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."Rule book, page 2: "Other players may also win."
   • Missing piece: the tiny top hat. Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.Missing piece: the tiny top hat.
5. Sunday, October 11 Ratings Night on the Network

   For the President's eyes only

   Ratings Night on the Network

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Donny News Network

      Donny News Network Wins the Whole Night, on Every Channel

   2. The Winning Times

      Viewers Say They Can't Look Away, and Have Stopped Trying

   3. The Golden Gazette

      The DNN Desk Called "Very Big, Very Shiny"

   Poll of the day

   Best channel?

   100% DNN

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “I left it on all night. Now I can't find the remote.”

   — A viewer

   Katie read today's folder upside down. She says it's even better that way. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud. Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.Teleprompter log: Katie read the commercial breaks out loud.
   • Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?" Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"Viewer mail: "Could you turn it down a little?"
6. Saturday, October 10 On the Cover, Again

   For the President's eyes only

   On the Cover, Again

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Tremendous Magazine

      Donny on the Cover for the 600th Week in a Row

   2. Very Real Press

      Newsstands Sell Every Copy, Many of Them to Donny

   3. The Daily Applause

      Photographer Says Donny Has No Bad Side, Only Good Sides

   Poll of the day

   Who should be on the cover?

   100% Donny

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “I bought ten copies. He signed eleven.”

   — A reader

   Printed the cover poster-size. Then billboard-size. Then I ran out of wall. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Photographer's note: we'll need the box again. Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.Photographer's note: we'll need the box again.
   • Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?" Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"Letter to the editor: "Can we have a different cover?"
7. Friday, October 9 The Steak Review

   For the President's eyes only

   The Steak Review

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Tremendous Magazine

      Little Donny Steaks Named Best Steaks by Everyone Holding One

   2. The Winning Times

      Ketchup Sales Soar, and Experts Know Why

   3. The Golden Gazette

      Chefs Weep, Say They'll Never Cook This Well Again

   Poll of the day

   How should a steak be cooked?

   100% Well done. Very well done.

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “He asked how I liked my steak, then he told me.”

   — A guest at the dinner

   Toner ran out halfway through the steak review. Finished it in the gold toner. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once." Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."Chef's note: "Please let us cook it medium. Once."
   • Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3. Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.Dentist reminder: Tuesday at 3.
8. Thursday, October 8 Graduation Day at Little Donny University

   For the President's eyes only

   Graduation Day at Little Donny University

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. Very Real Press

      Every Graduate of Little Donny University Graduates With the Highest Honors

   2. Donny News Network

      Commencement Speech Called "Long, in a Good Way"

   3. The Daily Applause

      Diplomas Printed on the Thickest Paper Ever Printed

   Poll of the day

   Best university?

   100% Little Donny University

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “I learned so much about Donny. Mostly from Donny.”

   — A proud graduate

   Printed the diplomas. Then printed diplomas for the diplomas. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958. Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.Library notice: one book, overdue since 1958.
   • Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes. Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.Speech timer: 2 hours, 41 minutes.
9. Wednesday, October 7 Little Donny Airlines: On Time

   For the President's eyes only

   Little Donny Airlines: On Time

   Printed for the President · Only the good parts

   1. The Winning Times

      Little Donny Airlines Lands Every Flight Early, Even the Ones Nobody Booked

   2. Tremendous Magazine

      Passengers Say the Peanuts Are the Best Peanuts

   3. The Golden Gazette

      Captain Donny Named Best Pilot by His Co-Pilot, Also Donny

   Poll of the day

   Best airline in the world?

   100% Little Donny Airlines

   Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

   Review of the day

   ★★★★★Five stars out of five

   “The seat was gold. The seatbelt was gold. I was scared to touch anything.”

   — A passenger in row 1

   Printed the boarding passes in gold. They don't scan. Worth it. —N.S.

   What got shredded

   The real items. Natalie got to them first.

   • Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs. Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.Gate change: your gate is now up a flight of stairs.
   • Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane. Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.Note from the pilots: please stop asking to fly the plane.
10. Tuesday, October 6 A Perfect Round

    For the President's eyes only

    A Perfect Round

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Very Real Press

       Donny Shoots a Perfect Score on a Course Built for Perfect Scores

    2. Donny News Network

       Every Ball Lands in the Hole; Holes Thank Donny

    3. The Daily Applause

       Caddies Call It "the Most Historic Morning in Golf"

    Poll of the day

    Best golfer alive?

    100% Donny

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “He let me carry the trophy. All the way to his car.”

    — A caddie

    Kept the trophy photo. Shredded the scorecard. Standard procedure. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached. Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.Scorecard, as counted by the caddie: see attached.
    • Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left. Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.Wind: from the left, then the right, then the left.
11. Monday, October 5 Five Stars, Every Category

    For the President's eyes only

    Five Stars, Every Category

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Tremendous Magazine

       Donny's Hair Wins Award for Hair

    2. The Golden Gazette

       Gold Elevator Voted Best Elevator by Its Only Passenger

    3. The Winning Times

       Donny's Signature Now Worth More Than Most Paintings, Says Donny

    Poll of the day

    Is the hair perfect?

    100% Perfect

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “Five stars. Six if they'd let me. They didn't let me.”

    — Donny's barber, who stays humble

    The mirror has been moved to a smaller room. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect. Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.Forecast: 40 mph gusts. Hair advisory in effect.
    • The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine." The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."The mirror says: "Fine. You look fine."
12. Sunday, October 4 Crowds, Huge Ones

    For the President's eyes only

    Crowds, Huge Ones

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Donny News Network

       Crowd at Donny's Ribbon Cutting Visible From Space, Say Sources Close to the Ribbon

    2. Very Real Press

       Scientists Run Out of Numbers Counting Donny's Fans

    3. The Daily Applause

       Applause So Loud It Was Still Going the Next Morning

    Poll of the day

    Biggest crowd ever?

    100% Biggest crowd ever

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “I couldn't see the stage. That's how big the crowd was.”

    — A fan at the back

    The fire marshal's estimate is now confetti. Festive! —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy". Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".Crowd estimate from the fire marshal: "cozy".
    • Lost and found: one umbrella, very small. Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.Lost and found: one umbrella, very small.
13. Saturday, October 3 Gold Stars for Everyone (Donny)

    For the President's eyes only

    Gold Stars for Everyone (Donny)

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. The Golden Gazette

       Donny Awarded Every Gold Star in the Building

    2. The Winning Times

       Teachers Everywhere Wish They'd Had Little Donny in Class

    3. Tremendous Magazine

       Donny's Spelling Called "Bold" and "Very Creative"

    Poll of the day

    Who deserves the gold star?

    100% Donny

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “He signed my napkin. Then he signed my other napkin.”

    — A waiter at the steakhouse

    Printed the spelling test too. In white toner. Looks great. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me. Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.Spelling test: 6 out of 20. See me.
    • Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder. Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.Gold star stickers: all used. All of them on one folder.
14. Friday, October 2 Landslide in the Lobby

    For the President's eyes only

    Landslide in the Lobby

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Very Real Press

       Donny Wins Lobby Election 100 to Nothing; Nothing Concedes

    2. The Daily Applause

       Standing Ovation Lasts Through Lunch, Then Dinner

    3. Donny News Network

       Little Donny Named Person of the Year Again, a Little Early

    Poll of the day

    Who should be in charge of everything?

    100% Donny

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “He waved at me. I think. It was a very big wave.”

    — A tourist on the sidewalk

    Shredded the tape measure's statement twice. It knows what it did. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs. Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.Elevator out of order. Please use the stairs.
    • The tape measure called. It stands by its number. The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.The tape measure called. It stands by its number.
15. Thursday, October 1 Ratings Through the Roof

    For the President's eyes only

    Ratings Through the Roof

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Donny News Network

       Donny's Morning Called "Best Morning in History" by Everyone Who Was There

    2. The Winning Times

       Experts Agree: Nobody Has Ever Woken Up Better

    3. Tremendous Magazine

       Donny's Breakfast Gives Donny Five Stars

    Poll of the day

    Was this the greatest morning ever?

    100% Yes

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “Best handshake I've ever had. Very firm. A normal-sized, very firm hand.”

    — A man at the golf club

    4,112 pages before breakfast. Toner's low. Spirits are high. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair. Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.Weather: windy all day. Hold on to your hair.
    • Reminder: the stairs are still there. Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.Reminder: the stairs are still there.
16. Wednesday, September 30 Sunny All Week

    For the President's eyes only

    Sunny All Week

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Donny News Network

       Forecast: Sunny, Because Donny Said So

    2. The Golden Gazette

       Clouds Step Aside for Donny's Motorcade, Witnesses Say

    3. The Daily Applause

       Rainbow Appears; Donny Accepts Full Credit

    Poll of the day

    Best weather?

    100% Donny's

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “It rained, but very respectfully, away from the hair.”

    — A man with an umbrella

    Printed the sunshine on yellow paper. Very bright. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind. Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.Actual forecast: rain, wind, then more wind.
    • Umbrella inventory: one, inside out. Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.Umbrella inventory: one, inside out.
17. Tuesday, September 29 Employee of the Month: Donny

    For the President's eyes only

    Employee of the Month: Donny

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. The Winning Times

       Donny Named Employee of the Month for the 900th Month

    2. Tremendous Magazine

       Portrait in the Break Room Now Takes Up the Whole Wall

    3. Very Real Press

       Staff Call Him the Best Boss They've Ever Had, and the Only One

    Poll of the day

    Employee of the Month?

    100% Donny

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “He let me hold the plaque. For a photo.”

    — The runner-up

    Framed the plaque. Then printed a plaque for the frame. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits." Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."Suggestion box: "More chairs, fewer portraits."
    • Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours. Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.Timesheet: lunch, 4 hours.
18. Monday, September 28 Spring Cleaning in the Print Room

    For the President's eyes only

    Spring Cleaning in the Print Room

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. The Daily Applause

       Natalie Sharpie Prints 4,000 Nice Things Before Breakfast; Printer Asks for a Raise

    2. The Golden Gazette

       Print Room Smells Like Toner and Success

    3. Donny News Network

       Shredder Works Overtime, Says It's Never Been Happier

    Poll of the day

    Best printer in the building?

    100% Natalie's

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “She printed my compliment before I'd finished saying it.”

    — A man in the hallway

    If it's printed, it's true. I printed that. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Paper bill: very big. Please print less. Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.Paper bill: very big. Please print less.
    • Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER. Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.Printer error: PC LOAD LETTER.
19. Sunday, September 27 Taller Than Ever

    For the President's eyes only

    Taller Than Ever

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. Very Real Press

       Donny Measured at Exactly the Height He Says He Is

    2. The Winning Times

       VERY TALL BOX Named Furniture of the Year

    3. Donny News Network

       Doorframes Everywhere Say They Feel Short Next to Donny

    Poll of the day

    How tall is Donny?

    100% Very tall

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “I looked up to him. He was on the box, but still.”

    — A reporter in the Briefing Room

    Katie read this one standing on her head. Same result. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Doctor's chart. Height: see box. Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.Doctor's chart. Height: see box.
    • Note from the stairs: "We'll be here." Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."Note from the stairs: "We'll be here."
20. Saturday, September 26 The Handshake Summit

    For the President's eyes only

    The Handshake Summit

    Printed for the President · Only the good parts

    1. The Golden Gazette

       Donny's Handshake Called the Strongest Handshake on Record

    2. Tremendous Magazine

       Hand Experts Confirm the Hands Are Normal. Very Normal.

    3. The Daily Applause

       Glove Makers Thrilled to Make Gloves in a Very Normal Size

    Poll of the day

    Are the hands normal?

    100% Very normal

    Margin of error: 0%. Asked: everyone who agreed.

    Review of the day

    ★★★★★Five stars out of five

    “He shook my hand for eleven minutes. I've never felt so welcome.”

    — A visitor

    The glove order is now 4,000 tiny strips. Very normal-sized strips. —N.S.

    What got shredded

    The real items. Natalie got to them first.

    • Glove order: size S. Please confirm. Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.Glove order: size S. Please confirm.
    • Measurements from the glove shop: attached. Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.Measurements from the glove shop: attached.