The Press Office corrects the record. Then it corrects the correction.
From the desk of the Press Secertary
This column corrects errors in the President's briefings, statements and releases. There are no errors. Everything below is exactly what the President intended.
Link to this correction: The President's Height
Correction: Yesterday we said the President is 6'3". He is 6'3".
Correction to the correction: We meant 3'6".
Clarification: He is standing on a box.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Crowd
Correction: On Friday we said the President's rally drew a record crowd of 1,000,000. The figure was 1,000.
Correction to the correction: The figure was 100.
Clarification: The figure was 100 percent of the people who came, which is a record. Nobody has ever had more than 100 percent.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Weekly Address
Correction: Saturday's weekly address ended with the words "END OF TEXT. DO NOT READ THIS PART OUT LOUD." Those words were not part of the address.
Clarification: They are now. The President loved them. They will be in every address from now on, out loud.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Weather
Correction: Wednesday's briefing said the President "controls the weather." He controls the weather report.
Correction to the correction: He controls the weather reporter.
Clarification: The weather reporter has been promoted. It is sunny wherever the President is. That is exactly what the President intended.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Golf Score
Correction: The President's golf score on Sunday was reported as 18. That was the number of holes.
Correction to the correction: It was also his score.
Clarification: On the first hole.
Update: The first hole has been made larger.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The State Dinner
Correction: Tuesday's state dinner menu listed "Fillet of Sole, Served With Soul." The dish was Fillet of Sole.
Clarification: The soul was the President's. He was there. He brought it.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Chart
Correction: The chart at Monday's briefing was shown upside down. The economy is not going down.
Correction to the correction: The chart was the right way up. I was upside down.
Clarification: Nobody was upside down. Everything was exactly what the President intended. Australia agrees.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Word "Unpresidented"
Correction: On Thursday I described the President's achievements as "unpresidented." The word is "unprecedented."
Correction to the correction: The President says "unpresidented" is the better word, and he would know, because he is the President. Nobody has ever been this presidented.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Moon
Correction: The President did not personally land on the moon. He personally watched it on TV.
Clarification: It was a very large TV. Bigger than the moon, from where he was sitting.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: This Column
Correction: Yesterday's corrections column misspelled the word "column." We regret the eror.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Test
Correction: We reported that the President got a perfect score on his cognitive test. The test was out of 100. He got 100.
Correction to the correction: The test was out of 10. He got 100.
Clarification: He asked for extra questions. He wrote them himself. He got those right too.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Wall
Correction: Monday's release said the President will build "a big, beautiful wall." It should have said "a big, beautiful mall."
Correction to the correction: It should have said "a big, beautiful ball."
Correction to the correction to the correction: It is a ball, in a mall, behind a wall. Everyone is invited, except the press.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Pardon
Correction: Last week the President pardoned a turkey. He pardoned a turkey sandwich.
Clarification: He then ate it. Pardons are final.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Handshake
Correction: Wednesday's briefing described the President's handshake with a visiting leader as the longest in history, at 19 seconds.
Correction to the correction: It was 19 minutes.
Clarification: The visiting leader has since got his hand back. He says it was a great honor. His hand says nothing.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Schedule
Correction: The President's schedule for Thursday listed "Executive Time, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m." It should have said "Executive Time, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., and lunch."
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: Questions
Correction: Monday's statement said the administration welcomes all questions. It welcomes all questions it has written itself.
Clarification: Those questions are excellent. They are the best questions. The answer to all of them is "Yes, very much so."
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: Bigly
Correction: We said the President's tax cut was "bigly." It was "big league."
Correction to the correction: It was bigly.
Correction to the correction to the correction: We will not be taking questions on this.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Podium
Correction: On Friday the podium fell over during my briefing. It did not fall over. It bowed to the President.
Clarification: It was a very respectful podium. It has been promoted to lectern.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Ratings
Correction: The President's speech on Wednesday was watched by a billion people. It was watched by a billion people in the room.
Correction to the correction: There were 40 people in the room.
Clarification: Each of them watched it 25 million times. Do the math. Actually, don't. We did it for you.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: Up, Up, Up
Correction: On Monday I said the economy is going "dn, dn, dn." I was holding the paper upside down. It said "up, up, up."
Correction to the clarification: There was no clarification. "Dn" is short for "doing nicely." Which it is. Which is what I said.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Quote
Correction: In Friday's briefing, a quote from the President was attributed to Abraham Lincoln. It was the other way round.
Clarification: Lincoln said it second.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Apology
Correction: A statement on Saturday said the President "apologizes." That was a typo.
Clarification: There are no typos in this White House. Everything is exactly what the President intended.
Correction to the clarification: He did not intend to apologize. He does not apologize. The statement has been unapologized.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: The Department of Fact Checking
Correction: Tuesday's briefing announced a new Department of Fact Checking. It is the Department of Fact Choosing.
Clarification: The facts are chosen by the President. That's the check.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Link to this correction: My Name
Correction: My first briefing introduced me as "the President's new press secretary, [YOUR NAME HERE]." My name is Katie Saccharia.
Correction to the correction: Saccharia has two c's. The President says that's two more than it needs, so it's a very strong name.
— Katie Saccharia, Press Secertary
Parody. Katie Saccharia is a fictional cartoon character.
