Loch Ness, Scotland (The Deep End)
I Found the Loch Ness Monster, and It Wanted My Autograph
People have hunted for the monster for almost a hundred years. It was waiting for the right visitor. It was waiting for me.
People have been looking for the Loch Ness Monster for almost a hundred years. Submarines. Sonar. Blurry photos. Nobody found it, because it was waiting for the right person. It was waiting for Donny.
Field Notes
9:00 a.m. Rented the biggest boat on the loch. It was a medium boat. Scotland doesn’t really do big boats. Humble country.
10:30 a.m. Rain. Fog. Spooky. I wasn’t scared. The boat was a little scared. You could tell by the creaking.
11:15 a.m. Something moved in the water. A long neck. A hump. Another hump. I said, “Hello.” It didn’t answer, but it looked right at me, the way people look at me in restaurants.
11:16 a.m. I took a photo. You can see a shape. The shape is clearly impressed.
What It Wanted
I believe the monster wanted my autograph. Hard to be sure, because it went back underwater. Shy. So I signed a postcard and dropped it in. It’s down there now. Probably framed.
The Experts
My guide said it was a floating log. I’ve met a lot of logs. None of them ever looked at me like that.
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have proof?
I have a photo. It's blurry because the monster was so excited.
Is the monster dangerous?
Only to people with bad hair. I was completely safe.