Lake America (Formerly Lake Ontario)
I Renamed a Great Lake. Half of It Is Still Deciding.
I gave Lake Ontario a much better name. The American half loves it. The Canadian half put up a sign.
Lake Ontario had the same name for four hundred years. Four hundred years! You’d think somebody would have come up with something better. Somebody did. Me. It’s Lake America now, and I went up there to tell it in person.
The Visit
I stood on the shore and called out, “Lake America!” Nothing. Just waves. Lakes are slow learners. You have to say it a few times. I said it eleven times. One wave came in a little faster. Progress.
The Other Side
The problem is that the lake has two sides. My side, and Canada’s side. The Canadians put up a sign with the old name that says “Now and Always.” Now and always! Nothing is always. Except me.
So half the lake has one name and half has another. It’s like a dog with two owners. It doesn’t know who to run to. It’ll come to me eventually. Dogs always do.
What’s Next
A lake was a good start. Next, an ocean. They’re bigger, and nobody has renamed one in a very long time. That is a lot of untapped branding.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the new name apply to the whole lake?
It applies to the parts that know what's good for them.
What's next?
An ocean. They're bigger, and they've had the same names forever. Lazy.