The South Atlantic (Bring a Coat)
My Offer for an Iceberg That Kept Getting Smaller
A23a, for years the world's biggest iceberg, is breaking up in the South Atlantic. I made an offer. Then another.
A23a broke off Antarctica in 1986 and was for years the biggest iceberg in the world. Now it’s breaking up in the South Atlantic, down to about 1,180 square kilometers, and meltwater has turned it blue. I made an offer.
My Offers
First offer: One iceberg, as is, for my drinks cabinet. I’ll pay for shipping.
Second offer: It’s smaller now. I’ll still take it. A slightly smaller price for a slightly smaller iceberg. That’s fair.
Third offer: It’s in pieces. I’ll take the biggest piece, gift-wrapped. Blue paper, to match.
Final offer: Whatever’s left. I’ll bring the glass.
The Seller
There is no seller. I checked. Nobody owns an iceberg. It’s the worst business model I’ve ever seen, and the biggest opportunity. I’ve left a message with the ocean. It hasn’t called back. Very cold, the ocean. I mean that as a compliment. If anyone finds the owner, tell them I’m serious, and I’ve already bought the glass.
Frequently Asked Questions
What would you do with an iceberg?
Keep my drinks cold. For about a thousand years.
Why did it turn blue?
Meltwater pooled on top of it. It looks like a swimming pool. I'd have added a diving board.