My Phone (After the Beep)
My Voicemail Greeting, Full Version
Most voicemail greetings are ten seconds long. Mine is longer, because I have more to say, and you should hear it all.
Most people’s voicemail says, “Hi, I can’t come to the phone, please leave a message.” That’s about ten seconds. I think callers deserve more. So I’ve recorded a new greeting. Here’s the full text, for anyone who hangs up early.
The Greeting
Hello! You’ve reached Little Donny.
I can’t come to the phone right now. I’m busy being me, which is a full-time job, with overtime.
If you’re calling about a deal, press 1.
If you’re calling to say congratulations, press 2. Then press it again. I like that sound.
If you’re calling to ask what I’m doing, I’m listening to this greeting, because it’s excellent.
If you’re calling about my car being parked across your driveway, I’m sorry, but the beep is coming soon, so please hold that thought.
Please leave your message after the beep. The beep is coming. Any second now. Almost. Here it comes. Get ready.
Actually, one more thing.
The Messages
Since I changed my greeting, I’ve had 14 calls and only one message. Most callers hang up around the part about the driveway.
The one message said, “Is the beep ever coming?” Yes, it is. It’s on its way. I’ve just decided to keep it as a surprise, for people who really want to talk to me.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the running time?
About a minute of me talking, then three more of me deciding whether to play the beep. Longer if you press 2 a lot.
Does anyone wait for the beep?
My mother. She says it's worth the wait. She also says to call her back more.