The Names of My Wi-Fi Networks

When you set up Wi-Fi at home, you get to name your network. Most people pick something boring, like their street and a number. So I bought a few extra routers, so I could have more names. Here they are, as they appear on your phone.

My Networks

• DonnyNet. The main one. A very strong signal, like its owner.
• DonnyNet Guest. For guests. It’s slower, because they’re guests.
• Kitchen Command. For ordering snacks from the couch.
• Do Not Join This One. Everybody joins this one.
• Faster Than Yours. It isn’t. But the name works on the neighbors.
• Ask Me for the Password. Please do. I enjoy being asked.
• The Neighbor’s Cat. For the cat that sleeps on my car. It has never logged on.

The Signal

I now have seven networks in one house. They spend so much time talking to each other that none of them has time to talk to me.

On Monday, my phone took ten minutes to load the weather. On Tuesday, the smart fridge joined the cat’s network, and nobody has heard from it since.

So to send an email now, I walk down the road to the coffee shop and use theirs. It’s called Coffee Shop. Very boring. Works perfectly.