The North Pole (Contracts Department)
My Contract With Santa, Clause by Clause
Every year, Santa makes a list and checks it twice. I've never liked being on a list I didn't write. So I sent him a contract.
Santa makes a list. Then he checks it twice. Then he decides who’s naughty and who’s nice, with no appeals process at all. I respect the power. I don’t respect the paperwork. So I’ve sent the North Pole a contract.
The Contract
Clause 1. Little Donny is nice. This is not up for discussion.
Clause 2. Presents will be delivered through the front door, not the chimney. A man of my standing does not receive packages through a fireplace.
Clause 3. Cookies left out for Santa remain the property of Little Donny until Santa arrives. Any cookies eaten before then were being inspected for quality.
Clause 4. The reindeer may land on the roof. The reindeer may not land on the good roof.
Clause 5. In the event of a disagreement, the list will be checked a third time, by me.
Terms
This contract renews automatically every year. Santa may cancel at any time by never delivering again, which he won’t, because of Clause 1. Signed, Little Donny. Witnessed by Little Donny, who is very trustworthy.
Frequently Asked Questions
Did Santa sign it?
Not yet. It's a busy season. I expect a signature by the end of January.
Naughty or nice?
Nice. Clause 1 says so.