New York City (The Judge's Table, Which I Brought)
I Judged a Dog Show, and Every Dog Came Second
Hundreds of beautiful dogs, all hoping for Best in Show. Nobody had told them the show had a guest judge. First place was taken.
They asked me to be a guest judge at a big dog show. Hundreds of dogs. Brushed, combed and very serious. Every one of them hoping to win Best in Show. I took the job extremely seriously. Here are my official notes.
Judge’s Notes
The poodle: Magnificent hair. Volume. Lift. Reminds me of someone. Second place.
The bulldog: Strong. Stubborn. Doesn’t back down. Probably a great negotiator. Second place.
The chihuahua: Very small. Very loud. I respect the confidence. Second place.
The golden retriever: Golden. Obviously a winner. Also second place.
Best in Show
Me. I was in the show, technically, standing in the middle of the ring. Nobody stood in the middle of the ring more confidently than I did. The rules don’t say the winner has to be a dog. I read them very quickly.
The Reaction
The owners were upset. The dogs were thrilled. Every dog got a ribbon, and a dog doesn’t care what number is on it. Dogs understand that being near me is the real prize.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a person allowed to win Best in Show?
The rule book doesn't say 'dog' anywhere I looked. I looked quickly.
Which breed is most like you?
The golden retriever. Golden, loyal, and everyone wants to pet my hair.