London, England (The Back of the Queue)
Little Donny's Guide to Queuing, From the Back
In England, standing in line is called queuing, and it's taken very seriously. I learned the rules from the back.
In England, waiting in line is called queuing, and it’s taken very seriously. There are rules. Nobody writes them down, and everybody knows them. I spent a week learning them, from the back of every queue in London. Here’s my guide.
The Rules
- Join at the back. I tried joining at the front. Forty people sighed at once. A group sigh in England is louder than shouting.
- Leave a small gap. Not too big, not too small. Exactly one polite person wide.
- Talk about the weather. Never the queue. Everyone loves the weather here. They have so much of it.
- Thank the person at the front. Even if they did nothing. Especially if they did nothing.
What I Learned
Queuing is a lot like leadership. Everybody waits their turn, and then somebody is first. I just like to skip the waiting part. But by the end of the week, I queued for tea for eleven whole minutes. Nobody had ever seen me so patient, including me. Several people applauded, very quietly, the English way.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the longest you've ever queued?
Eleven minutes, for tea. The longest eleven minutes of my life. I tell the story often.
What do people do in a queue?
They wait, quietly, and they sigh if anything goes wrong. Very powerful sighs.