Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (The Mint)
I Was There When They Made the Very Last Penny
Each penny cost almost four cents to make. Four cents for one cent! I know a bad deal when I see one, and this was a bad deal.
After 232 years, America made its last penny this November. They pressed the final one in Philadelphia, and I went, because when history happens, it usually wants me in the photo.
The Problem With Pennies
It cost almost four cents to make each penny. Four cents to make one cent. I looked at that and thought: who negotiated this? Two hundred and thirty-two years of losing three cents a coin, and nobody noticed until me. Or until somebody else, who then told me.
The Ceremony
A big machine. A loud thunk. The last penny came out, shiny and brand new. Very emotional for the copper. I asked if I could keep it. They said it’s going to a museum. I said, “I am a museum.” They gave me a regular penny instead. I had it gold-plated. Now it’s worth more than it cost to make, which makes it the only profitable penny in America.
The Future
No more pennies. Prices get rounded. Round up, I say. Always round up. My height, my crowds, my bank account. Golf scores, you round down. Everybody knows that.
Frequently Asked Questions
Are pennies still money?
Yes, you can still spend them. Nobody will want them, but you can.
What replaces the penny?
Rounding. Upward, ideally. Toward me.