My Official Review of the Biggest Museum in Egypt

They opened the biggest museum in the world for a single civilization, right next to the pyramids. One civilization! I’m one man, and I could fill two. I went anyway, because every opening needs a celebrity, and the pyramids don’t give interviews.

The Exhibits

King Tut’s gold mask: Five stars. Shiny. Classic. I asked if it came in a larger size. They said it isn’t for sale. Everything is for sale. I’ll be back.

A hundred thousand objects: Four stars. Too many. Nobody needs a hundred thousand of anything, except compliments.

The opening light show: Five stars. Drones flew over the pyramids and spelled something in hieroglyphics. I can’t read hieroglyphics, but I’m almost sure it said DONNY.

The Boy King

For the first time in a century, they put all of King Tut’s treasures in one place. A century! I’ve kept all my treasures in one place for years. It’s called my garage. I have eleven of them.

Tut became king at nine. At nine, I was running the most successful lemonade stand on my street. He got a museum. Fair enough. Give it time.

Final Rating

Five stars. Egypt waited thousands of years for a museum this good. Next time, they should wait a little longer and let me design it.