Toronto, Canada (The CN Tower)
My Broadcast Schedule From the Top of the CN Tower
The CN Tower turned 50. It was built to send TV and radio signals over Toronto's skyscrapers. I'd like a time slot.
The CN Tower, 553 metres tall, turned 50 this week, with free cupcakes at its base. It was built because Toronto’s new skyscrapers were getting in the way of TV and radio signals, so broadcasters needed a much taller antenna. I’d like to be on it.
My Schedule
6:00 a.m. Good Morning, Toronto, with Little Donny.
7:00. The Weather. Today’s weather is whatever I say it is.
9:00. Donny Cooks. This week: toast.
Noon. The Lunch News. What I’m having, live.
3:00 p.m. Nap Time. Broadcast live, very quietly.
6:00. The Donny Quiz. Every answer is me. Call in to win.
9:00. Movie of the Night: a film about me, with commentary by me.
11:00. Goodnight, Toronto, also with Little Donny.
The Tower’s Answer
The tower wrote back. Its antennas already carry real TV and radio stations, and those stations have their own shows, with their own hosts. There are no time slots for me.
But it offered me a birthday cupcake instead, from the party at the bottom of the tower. I took it. It was delicious, and I didn’t even have to broadcast it.
I’ve asked to be put on the list for the tower’s 100th birthday. By then the stations might need a new morning host. I’ll be ready, and I’ll bring the toast.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the CN Tower still the tallest?
It was the world's tallest free-standing structure for decades. It's still the tallest thing I've ever eaten a cupcake under.
Did you go up?
Yes, in the elevator. My ears popped twice, which I count as applause.