My Ballroom (Formerly the Living Room)
The Day I Knighted Myself
Kings and queens hand out knighthoods every year. My invitation never came, so I held the ceremony myself. I cried a little.
Every year, kings and queens give out knighthoods to very important people. Every year, I wait by the mailbox. Every year, nothing. So this year I stopped waiting and knighted myself. Here is the official program.
Order of Ceremony
1. The Entrance. Sir Donny enters to trumpets. The trumpets are on a speaker. A very loud speaker.
2. The Kneeling. Sir Donny kneels. Briefly. Knees are for walking, not ceremonies.
3. The Tap. Sir Donny taps himself on each shoulder with a golf club. A sword is traditional. A golf club is more personal.
4. The Rising. Sir Donny rises as Sir Donny, which he already was, but now it’s official.
5. The Applause. Lasts as long as Sir Donny wants. This one lasted a while. There were tears. Noble ones.
The Next Step
I’ve written to the palace to let them know. I’ve also asked for a horse. A white one, with a gold saddle. They haven’t written back yet, but I’m keeping the stable door open.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you knight yourself?
Nobody has said no in writing. That's a yes in my world.
Should we call you Sir now?
Only all the time.
Did the palace respond?
Not yet. Their mail must be very slow. Royal mail. Very old.