Brockworth, England (Cooper's Hill)
My Scouting Report on the Cheese
Every spring, racers chase a wheel of cheese down a steep hill in England. I studied the opponent. It's the cheese.
At Cooper’s Hill in England, racers chase a wheel of Double Gloucester cheese down a hill so steep they tumble. A German racer won the men’s race for the third year running, narrowly beating a 23-time champion who came out of retirement. I studied the cheese.
The Opponent
- Shape: Round. Extremely aerodynamic.
- Speed: Faster than every racer on the hill. It also gets a head start, which I find unfair.
- Steering: None. The racers have none either, about halfway down.
- Attitude: Cold. No interest in the crowd. It never looks back.
- Smell: Wonderful. That’s its secret weapon.
My Plan
My first plan was to start before the cheese. The officials said no. My second plan was to roll down the hill myself, like the cheese. They said that’s what most racers end up doing anyway.
So I took the footpath to the bottom and waited at the finish, first. The officials said the finish doesn’t work that way. Fine. But I had the best view of the finish line in all of England, and the cheese, I noticed, came straight to me.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does anyone ever catch the cheese?
Hardly ever. The winner is the first person to the bottom. The cheese usually gets there before everybody.
Will you race next year?
Yes, as the cheese's manager. It's clearly the talent.