Japan (A Very Warm Bath)
My Long-Bath Contest Against Japan's Capybaras
Five zoos in Japan held a contest to see which capybara could stay in a warm bath the longest. I entered.
Five zoos in Japan held their 14th long-bath showdown, to see which capybara would stay in a warm outdoor bath the longest. The winner soaked for an hour and 45 minutes. Last place lasted 17 seconds. This year, each capybara had its own timer. I entered too.
My Bath Log
0:00. In. Warm. Wonderful. I’m a natural.
0:05. Five seconds in. I’m relaxing at a very professional level.
0:10. My mind starts to wander. Mostly toward lunch.
0:15. What is for lunch? Somebody should find out.
0:18. Out. I had a meeting. With lunch.
The Results
Eighteen seconds. Not the winning time. The winner managed an hour and 45 minutes, which is amazing, and also a very long time to go without a snack.
But eighteen seconds beats last place by one whole second. That means I beat a capybara, officially, in my opinion.
The individual timers let each capybara start at its usual bath time, which is very fair. Mine was set by my lunch.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do capybaras like warm baths?
They come from South America, where it's warm, and a Japanese winter is chilly. A warm bath makes sense. I understand them completely.
Will you train for next year?
Yes. I'll practice sitting still. It's the hardest sport there is.