East Rutherford, New Jersey (Center of the Field)
I Held the World Cup Trophy First, Just to Check It
Before the winners got the trophy, somebody had to make sure it was real gold. That somebody was me. For a while.
The World Cup final was in New Jersey this year, and the biggest question in sports was: who would hold the trophy? The answer was me. First. Before anybody.
Official Match Report
Extra time: Spain scored. Argentina didn’t. One to nothing. Very defensive game. I would have scored more, but nobody passed to me.
Halftime: I offered both teams a pep talk. Neither accepted. Nervous, probably. Big game.
The ceremony: They brought out the trophy. Solid gold. Before handing it to the winners, I held it for a while, to make sure it was real. You test real gold by holding it with confidence. I held it with a lot of confidence. It passed.
The crowd: Eighty thousand fans made one long sound. “Boooooo.” In soccer, that’s short for “Bravo, Donny.” I looked it up, in my head.
The Prediction
Back in December, at the draw, I drew a picture of myself holding this trophy. People laughed. Who’s laughing now? Spain, mostly. But also me.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who won the World Cup?
Spain. With help. The help was me, handing them the trophy.
Was the crowd booing?
They were saying 'Donny' with a lot of o's. Soccer fans have accents.