Sheffield, England (The Crucible)
Everything I Didn't Say During the Snooker Final
At the Crucible, the crowd has to stay silent during every shot. The final lasted 35 frames. I wrote my comments down.
A 22-year-old from China has won the World Snooker Championship, 18–17, in the first final to go to a deciding frame since 2002. The winner gets £500,000. In the theatre, you can’t talk during shots. So I took notes.
My Notes
Frame 1. That red ball looks nervous.
Frame 4. The referee is wearing white gloves. Is he about to be handed something? I have a sandwich.
Frame 9. The pockets are too small. I’d like to suggest bigger pockets, for everyone.
Frame 16. A man two rows down unwrapped a sweet very slowly. It took the whole frame. Respect.
Frame 22. Someone coughed. It wasn’t me. I’d like that in the notes, which it now is.
Frame 30. I’ve run out of things not to say. I’m saying them in my head instead.
Frame 35. (This page is blank. I was holding my breath.)
The Last Frame
It all came down to one frame. The whole theatre went silent. I went silent too, for 20 minutes, which is a personal best.
When the last ball dropped, everyone jumped up and cheered. So I finally said everything at once: the gloves, the pockets, the sweet and the nervous red ball. The gentleman beside me said he hadn’t understood a word, but he agreed with most of it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why must the crowd be so quiet?
So the players can concentrate. I can concentrate through any noise. I've tested this with my own voice.
Who did the champion beat?
A former world champion, by a single frame. They both deserved a trophy. I offered mine, but it's a participation trophy.