My New Events for World's Strongest Man

At the World’s Strongest Man in South Carolina, the title came down to the last event, the Atlas Stones. The winner beat the defending champion 54 points to 52. Earlier, he pressed a 209-kilogram log over his head. I proposed new events.

My Proposals

1. The Briefcase Carry. Walk 50 meters with a briefcase full of very important papers. Mine.
2. The Ribbon Cut. Cut a ribbon with giant scissors, then hold the scissors up for photos. The photos take an hour. That’s the hard part.
3. The Autograph Marathon. Sign 500 photos of yourself without stopping. Your hand will feel it.
4. The Handshake Hold. Shake hands for one full minute without letting go. I’ve trained for this my whole life.
5. The Buffet Carry. Carry a full plate across a crowded room without spilling anything. Harder than any log.

The Response

I sent my proposals to the organizers. No reply yet. They’re probably still lifting things.

In the meantime, congratulations to the champion. Two points is a very small margin, and 209 kilograms is a very large log. I’d shake his hand, for a full minute, as practice.