Sydney, Australia (Art Gallery of NSW)
My Note to the People Who Unpack the Portraits
One Archibald prize is picked by the gallery staff who unpack and hang the paintings. I taped a note to my self-portrait.
Australia’s Archibald Prize is for portraits, and one of its awards, the Packing Room Prize, is chosen by the gallery staff who receive and hang the entries. This year it went to a double portrait of an actor as Hamlet. I sent in a self-portrait.
My Note
Dear unpackers,
Hello. You’re about to open the best painting in the building. Please be gentle.
This way up. The top is where my face is.
Please hang it in the center of the biggest wall, at eye level, so everyone can look me in the eye.
No, not that wall. The other wall. It has better light.
The frame is very heavy. That’s a sign of quality.
If you have any questions, the answer is yes, it’s an excellent likeness.
Thank you for your hard work. Signed, the artist, and also the subject.
The Result
The packers picked Hamlet. They said it stood out straight away, which I understand, because mine wasn’t there. I had sent it by the slowest post, to build suspense, and it arrived after the closing date.
Late entries can’t win anything, so mine was never in the running. When the packers opened it anyway, they found my note, taped to the back of the painting, inside the crate.
They read it after the prize had gone. Then they hung my portrait in the staff room, I’m told, facing the kettle. It gets a lot of visitors there, about ten times a day.
Frequently Asked Questions
What's the packers' prize worth?
$3,000, and a lot of respect from the people with the heaviest job in the gallery.
Where can I see the finalists?
At the Art Gallery of New South Wales in Sydney, until August 16. Not mine. Mine is in storage, near the loading dock.