Wherever I Am (Read Before Use)
The Owner's Manual for Little Donny
Every appliance comes with a manual. I don't come with one, so people keep using me wrong. I've written one.
When you buy a toaster, it comes with a manual. When people meet me, they get nothing, and they make mistakes, like interrupting me or telling a story that isn’t about me. So I’ve written a manual. Please read it before use.
Getting Started
Setting up. Place Little Donny somewhere with good light and an audience. He works best at the top of the table, facing the room.
Switching on. Say good morning. Then say it again, with more feeling.
Fuel. Pancakes, burgers and ice cream. No pickles. Pickles will void the warranty.
Charging. At night, for about nine hours, plus one hour after lunch.
Compliments. Insert regularly. Little Donny runs on them.
Cleaning. Not required. He’s always spotless.
Troubleshooting
He isn’t listening. He’s thinking about something important. Try saying his name, twice.
He’s talking about himself. This is normal. Do not try to fix it.
He’s making a speech. This is also normal. Find a chair.
He’s quiet. First, check that he isn’t asleep. If he isn’t, call someone at once. This has never happened.
Warranty. Lifetime. His.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is there a version two?
No. Version one is already perfect, so there's nothing to update.
Where can I get spare parts?
You can't. I'm one of a kind. It says so in the manual, on every page.