My Gold Bathroom (Investor Relations)
Gold Hit Five Thousand Dollars an Ounce, and My Bathroom Got Richer
When gold broke its record this year, my faucets became my best investment. My elevator is now worth more than your house.
In January, gold went above five thousand dollars an ounce for the first time ever. The experts were shocked. I wasn’t. I’ve been buying gold since I was a baby. I had a gold rattle. Here is my report to my investors, which is me.
Quarterly Results
Faucets: Up enormously. My bathroom is now the most valuable room in the state. I’ve stopped using it. It’s an investment now.
The elevator: Solid gold doors. Worth more than most houses. Possibly yours. Don’t take it personally. Take the stairs.
Business cards: I print them on gold. Every time I hand one out, I lose money. Now I lose even more money. Very exciting.
The Bad Day
A few days later, gold fell almost nine percent in one day, its biggest drop in decades. People panicked. Not me. When you own this much gold, you don’t count it every day. You count it every hour. It came out fine. I counted again to be sure.
My Advice
Buy gold. When it goes up, buy more. When it goes down, buy more. When you run out of money, paint something gold. It feels the same.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I invest in gold?
Only if you want to be rich. Otherwise, try paper.
How did you feel when the price dropped?
My faucets were very brave about it.