London, England (Trafalgar Square)
My Diplomatic Cables About London's Christmas Tree
Every year since 1947, Oslo has sent London a Christmas tree to say thank you. I tried to say thank you back.
Every year since 1947, Oslo has given London a giant Christmas tree for Trafalgar Square, as a thank-you. This year’s spruce was chosen by public vote, came by road and ship, and was lit on Thursday. I sent some cables.
The Cables
Cable one, to Oslo: Thank you for the tree. Very tall. Very green. I would like to send a tree back. Please advise on size.
Cable two: No reply. I’ve decided on the size myself. Taller than yours, respectfully. It will be decorated with my face, tastefully, one face per branch.
Cable three: My tree is too tall for the ship. I’m sending it by plane. The plane is also too small. Considering a second plane.
Cable four: Change of plan. I’m sending a beautiful card with a picture of the tree I would have sent. You can imagine the rest.
The Lighting
I was in the square when the lights came on. Carols, crowds and a beautiful tree from Norway. I sang louder than everyone, as a thank-you to Oslo. Then I sang louder again, as a thank-you for listening.
Frequently Asked Questions
Did Oslo reply?
Oslo is a busy city. I assume the reply is being carved into a very large tree.
What happens to the tree after Christmas?
It stays up until early January, then it's turned into mulch. Very green. I'd have had it bronzed.