Washington, D.C. (The World Cup Draw)
I Won a Brand-New Peace Prize. They Invented It Just for Me.
Other peace prizes take years of committee meetings. Mine took one weekend, and it came with a medal. That's efficiency.
The people who run world soccer invented a peace prize this year. Brand new. It had never existed before. And who do you think won the very first one? I’ll give you a hint. He’s writing this.
My Acceptance Speech
Thank you. Thank you. Please, sit down. Or stand. Standing is better, actually.
This trophy is two golden hands holding the whole world. Normal-sized hands, by the way. I held mine up next to them. Same size, or theirs are a little smaller.
Some peace prizes take a hundred years of meetings in Norway. This one took a weekend. That’s how fast peace moves when you let Donny drive.
I’d like to thank the soccer ball. Without the soccer ball, none of this happens. Thank you, soccer ball.
The Draw
They held the World Cup draw the same night. I thought it meant drawing pictures, so I drew one. Me, holding the World Cup trophy. Beautiful drawing. Nice shading.
They told me that’s not what a draw is. We’ll see who’s right in July.
Frequently Asked Questions
What did you do to win it?
I showed up. A lot of winners don't even do that.
Is it the same as the other famous peace prize?
It's better. This one has a soccer ball. The other one has a lecture.