Milan and Cortina, Italy (At the Same Time)
I Lit Both Olympic Cauldrons, One With Each Hand
The Winter Olympics in Italy had two cauldrons in two towns, a first in history. Most people would need two torches.
The Winter Olympics opened in Italy this year with a first: two cauldrons, in two different towns, lit on the same night. One in Milan, one up in the mountains at Cortina. How is that possible? Simple. You need a man with two hands.
How I Did It
I stood in the exact middle, between Milan and Cortina, near a very nice gas station. I reached out with my left hand to Milan and my right hand to Cortina. Both flames lit. Whoosh. Whoosh. Dramatic.
Some people say famous Italian skiers lit them. Wonderful athletes. Very fast. They were holding the torches. I was holding the moment.
The Ceremony
There were performers wearing giant heads of famous opera composers. I thought they were tributes to my head. My head is big in the good way. It’s full of plans.
The Next Olympics
Three cauldrons. Maybe four. Why stop at two? I have ten fingers, and every one of them is a normal size.
Frequently Asked Questions
How were you in two towns at once?
Long arms. People don't know this about me.
Did anyone see you light them?
Everyone saw the flames. The flames are the evidence.