Salisbury Plain, England (A Field)
Donny's Official Report on Stonehenge
For five thousand years, nobody figured out what Stonehenge was for. I solved it before lunch. It's an unfinished clubhouse.
Stonehenge is a ring of giant stones in a field in England. It’s about five thousand years old, and for centuries the experts have argued about what it was for. I visited on the longest day of the year and solved it before lunch.
Findings
- It’s a clubhouse. An unfinished one. You can tell because there’s no roof, no bar and no gift shop. Somebody ran out of money. I’ve heard that happens to people.
- The scientists say some of the stones were dragged here from very far away. Terrible location strategy. You build next to the stones, not the other way around.
- The sun rises right in line with it on the longest day of the year. That isn’t astronomy. That’s good architecture. The sun wanted a better view.
Recommendations
Finish the roof. Add a gold door. Put eighteen holes around it. Whoever built it would have wanted a golf course. Everyone wants a golf course. Ask anybody.
Conclusion
Mystery solved. I’ve sent this report to the experts, and a copy to the stones, in case they’re curious.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who built Stonehenge?
Ancient developers. Great vision, poor follow-through.
Have the experts accepted your findings?
They haven't replied. That's how experts say 'you're right.'