Mission Control (My Couch)
My Official Log From the Trip Around the Moon
Four astronauts flew around the Moon. I supported them from Mission Control, which is my couch. Here is my log.
Four astronauts flew around the Moon this spring, the first people to go there in more than fifty years. I supported them from Mission Control, which is what I call my couch. Here is my official log.
The Log
Day 1. Launch. They counted down from ten. I would have started at a hundred. More suspense. Better ratings. It was also April Fools’ Day, so nobody believed me when I said I’d helped.
Day 6. They went behind the Moon, farther from Earth than any humans in history. Farther than any humans except me. I’ve been very far out. Ask anyone at my golf club. They all say it.
Day 10. Splashdown in the Pacific. Perfect landing. I’ve landed in a pool many times myself. The trick is to look like you meant it.
My Recommendations
- Bigger windows. You can’t properly see the Moon through a window that size. You can barely see yourself in it.
- Next time, land. Flying around the Moon is like walking around a golf course without playing a single hole.
Frequently Asked Questions
Were you on the mission?
Spiritually, I was the commander. Physically, I was on the couch, which has an excellent view of the television.
What's on the far side of the Moon?
More Moon. I asked.