The Newsstand, Front Row
A Magazine Disappeared My Hair, and I Would Like It Back
They put me on the cover and took the photo from below. My hair vanished into the sunlight. I've made a poster.
A big magazine put me on its cover this year. Wonderful honor. Then I saw the photo. They took it from below, with the sun behind my head, and my hair disappeared. Just gone. So I made a poster.
MISSING
Name: Donny’s Hair.
Last seen: On top of my head, shortly before the photographer lay down on the ground.
Description: Golden. Majestic. Visible from space on a clear day. Answers to “Wow.”
Special features: In the photo, a tiny crown appeared, floating over my head. An extremely small crown. If you’re going to give me a crown, give me a big one. I have the head for it.
Reward: A signed photo of me, taken from above.
Rules for Photographers
- Never shoot me from below. I don’t have a below.
- Keep the sun behind you, not me. In these situations, I am the sun.
- Every camera should have a hair setting. I’ve asked the camera people. They’re working on it. They’d better be.
Frequently Asked Questions
Was the photo edited?
Experts say it was the sunlight. The Sun and I will be having a conversation.
Did your hair ever come back?
It was never gone. It was just too bright for the camera. Like photographing a star.