Harbin, China (The Top of the Slide)
My Safety Briefing for Harbin's Giant Ice Slide
Harbin's ice and snow park opened its biggest season yet, with an ice slide 521 meters long. Safety first.
Harbin’s Ice-Snow World opened its 27th season on Wednesday, its biggest ever, built from about 400,000 cubic meters of ice and snow. The giant slide has 24 lanes, and the longest runs 521 meters. Someone had to write the safety briefing.
Before You Slide
- Keep your arms and legs inside your coat at all times.
- Sit up straight. Smile. People are watching. People are always watching.
- Do not stop halfway. Nobody stops halfway down a 521-meter slide. It’s a commitment.
During the Slide
- Scream if you must. I didn’t. I made a sound of confidence, which is similar.
- Wave at the ice palaces as you pass. They’re made of ice, so they won’t wave back. Don’t take it personally.
At the Bottom
Stand up. Brush off the snow. Announce your time, even if nobody asked. I didn’t time mine, but I could feel it was excellent. Then go back to the top and do it again. That’s the whole briefing. The safest thing you can do in Harbin is have a great time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Where does all the ice come from?
The frozen Songhua River. They cut it out in blocks. I'd have asked the river first, but it was busy being frozen.
How cold was it?
Cold enough that my words froze in the air. I said great things. They're probably still there.