Hollywood, California (The Audition Room)
My Casting Call for the Movie of My Life
The Oscars just gave out their first award for casting. I'm casting the movie of my life. Auditions open.
Last night, the Oscars handed out their first-ever award for casting, the first new category in about twenty-five years. Finally, Hollywood admits that picking the right person matters. So I’m casting the movie of my life.
Now Casting: “Donny”
Little Donny: Must be Little Donny. Already cast.
Young Donny: Must be confident from birth. Must be able to turn a lemonade stand into an empire.
The Crowds: Thousands needed. Must cheer on cue, and also when there’s no cue.
The Critics: Must be wrong. Small parts.
The Narrator: Also Little Donny.
Audition Notes
Auditions are five minutes long. For four of them, I’ll be telling you about the film. Please bring a headshot. Any headshot is fine, as long as it’s a headshot of me. It sets the tone.
Release Date
Next year, everywhere. The poster is finished. It’s just one word, DONNY, very big, and a smaller word underneath it: AGAIN.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who will play you?
Me. I've seen the other candidates. None of them are me.
Will you win the casting Oscar next year?
For casting myself? Easily. The hardest decision I never had to make.